Hoschi tells stories


Woof, woof, it’s me, Hoschi,

some people are do-gooder. They take care for aaalll sort of things. And dogs.

Last week, mom, dad and us went for a swim. It was saturday and a sunny day. On our way back we stopped at the grocery store.

It is always a pity that we are not allowed to go into the store. I would like to linger along the shelves and goods. I would search for chips, and chocolate, cookies, and sausages, aahh , delicious. ( drooling ) Oh, sorry, did I make a mess on this post?

Anyway, we had to stay in the car. The tinted windows cracked, so that Jetti could not slip out – again. She once did that and stormed into the store, along the corridors, yowling and searching for mom. The people were frightened to death, as she passed them like a bat out of hell. Some stepped backwards, or were pulled to the ground by stumbling and screaming people.

You think that was damned funny, but for mom it was distressing. Where was I? Yes, the do-gooder.

So we waited and after 20 minutes mom and dad came back. When they opened the backdoor we welcome them like they were away since three days. We always do this. It make them perfectly happy, you know.  It’s deliberate. To get more treats.

A woman with a flyer in her hand came over and hold it under dad’s nose: “ Read this“, she snapped. Dad looked at it, and – with a slam-  the flyer floated onto the ground. Mom looked puzzled while dad calmly started to bag our buying, ignoring the woman. The woman sheepishly stepped back and shouted:“ You ashole, you are an ashole.“ Mom looked stony-faced.  She had looked to the ground and read the flyer: „Dogs on grill“.  A little puppie decorated the flyer. „What’s your problem? Aren’t you able to point out your concerns kindly?“ mom asked the woman. Meanwhile people were prying. The woman fingerpointed at mom and dad and screaming:“You abuse animals, you abuse animals, ‚Tierquäler‘, ‚Tierquäler'“. Moms face overshadowed. „You’re better off. You think, you are a do-gooder, when insulting people you don’t know?! .“, she said .“ I think, you are a smart ass. Get off, before I give you a reason to start name calling.“

I don’t get it. Why are some humans so big-headed? They turn on us on our walks in the forest, because we are unleashed, they hustle us on the sideway and kick us.  Parents tell there kids to knock us down with their bikes. There are even people walking at weekends in the special area for dogs here in Berlin, railing against moms and dads and their dogs, while we are playing, running, joking and even laughing – or just ignore each other.

On the other hand, this behaviour is not a big surprise, isn’t it. Humans kill each other, torture each other, declare war, start holy wars, total wars, kill themselves just-so and even commit suicide. Animals do not!

We are the real do-gooder, because we do not know morality, and double standards, aren’t we. 😉

Hoschi tells stories

At the vet

The other day, mom took us to the vet again.

Can you believe, Jette is allergic to some grass, wheats, etc. and gets a hypersensitive medication. It’s true. She is very afraid of the injections. So when we arrived, she refuses to jump out of the car, as always. „C’mon“ said mom, “ Don’t be silly, Jette, let’s go.“ – „NO!“ Her ears hang down, and she turned her head away from mom.

Finally, mom had to carry her, as always.

We stepped in, and mom put Jette to the floor, went to the front desk to sign up, and afterwards took a seat – and…. Jette was gone.

Mom and me startled. We looked around, there was nothing to hide, so where was she then???

A woman stood in the doorway carrying a cat basket and looked puzzled to all the waiting people, while Jette clandestine flitted outside the door around the corner, nearly crawling on her tummy. Mom called her:“Jette, what are you doing, come here.“

Jette felt to be caught red-handed, turned her head… and then her look!! Oh it is a pity, you couldn’t see her! She looked as if she would be in mortal agony.

I called her:“I take care, don’t be afraid.“ And licked her ears and flew to solace her.

After 2 minutes in the treatment room we were finished and Jette walked straight out of the room to the exit. Outside, she shooked her body. „Now“, she said releaved and in a good temper, “ let’s go for a walk.“ And off she galopped and hopped, throwing her forelegs up in the air like a fawn, as usual.

Last time I was at the vet I had a little surgery. They gave me an anastesia and the last thing  I realized, before I dozed, off was my head bedded in dads hand and then … nothing.

When I softly awoke in the guard-room at midday, mom, dad and Jette were there. They were waiting for me to go home. But dad pet me, cuddled me, smooched and snuggled, put me on his lap and tucked me in. I felt so comfy, so why should I get up.

After 2 hours mom got impatient. „Okay, then“, she said, „enough, get Hoschi up“ she ordered dad. „No, he can’t. Look at him, he’s asleep.“He looked at me with sympathy. „Yes, but he must get up, we want to go home, we cannot stay here all day. “ „But he is still drowsy.“ „Yes, maybe, but he has to get up now to regulate his blood pressure. He must awake now. So take him and make him walk.“ „He cannot, he is still too groggy. Let him sleep and rest.“

Mom rolled her eyes. With a sigh she heaved me up, and laid  her arms around my belly to support me and started to walk with me. I felt like I was hanging on the ropes. I was wobbly on my feet, and I could feel the swell.  „My bonnie is over the ocean, my bonnie is over the sea…..“ I mumbled while I swayed rhythmically from the left to the right.

„Oh my dear, “ mom gasped after a while, „I administer a diet, seriously. Now, it is your turn.“ she requested dad. „Look, he is too groggy, I told you. Let him sleep.“ he said. He always knows what’s good for me. I laid my head on his lap and dad pets me, and snuggled and smooched and cuddled me.  Mom insisted:“Believe me, he must walk. If it would be up to him, he sleeps until next morning! And I want to go home!!“

A vet assistance came by and stopped. „Well how is our patient doing? Is he still sleeping, or did he awoke already.“

„He is still drowsy.“ dad said. “ No“, said mom. “ He is awake but to lazy to walk, no wonder, when his dad snuggles, and cuddles and pets him, and make him feel comfy.“ Mom looked reproachfully at dad. „I made him walk, and he is ok.“ she wiped the sweat off her forehead.

The vet assistance grinned and said: “ Well, you can take him home. Have a nice evening.“

So dad carried me in to the car, and out off the car and – meanwhile gasping – in to my fluffy, lovely, cozy bed, where I felt asleep immediately. The last thing I saw was dads hand wiping the sweat off his forehead.

Hoschi tells stories

very important people

Today the spring said „Hello“. It was a warm and sunny day. Mom had a leave day and we drove out of the city and had a walk. That was great fun, Jetti and me enjoyed it.

During the winter we often walked in the Grunewald. This is the largest forest here in the south of  Berlin. At the end of this forest,  and at the border of Potsdam, the capital city of Brandenburg,  and Berlin, there is the famous bridge of Berlin, the Glienicker Bruecke ( Glienicker Bridge ) where, in the middle of it and during the cold war, the russians and the allies of Berlin exchanged their secret agents. Well, in this forest there is an special area where tin-openers can walk their dogs.  There you can meet hundreds of dogs every day. You meet tall and huge dogs called „Zwerg“ (dwarf), small and tiny dogs called „Goliath“, fat and skinny dogs called „Tom , Dick and Harry“, bastards, pedigree dogs, brown, black, white, and dogs of every color, and  they all are cool, and get along with each other. Not so the humans.

There is also a snack bar;well it is more a kind of van where the shopman offers Bratwurst and Wiener ( no, not citzens of the austria capital city – remember- tin openers use weird words for food, as I mentioned in an earlier blog  entry ). However, often mom bougth us a Wiener for breakfast.  The other day we stopped and the snack bar van again and mom ordered a wiener for Jetti and me and a Bratwurst for herself. It was a few days before christmas and so it was crowded, most of the people were in vacation as well as mom.

A man  in a best business coat was next after mom and orded two hot wine punches and a Bratwurst. We all had to wait for our foood. The man was pretty busily,  impatiently, he got the punches and took them around the corner to his girl-friend. Meanwhile, mom got the wiener and fed us. When the very important business man came back, mom’s bratwurst was ready. The guy looked at her unfriendly and with a disgusted voice he said: “ Well, then , great, so much for MY bratwurst.“ He looked offended at mom. Mom turned around: “ Probably not.! I was first and I waited here for my order, as you, understood!“ He murmered and grumbled and with anger he said:“ This was my order .“  Mom was so perplex that she just looked unbelieving. Usually, she is not lost of words. Jetti and me had still a mouth full of wiener, we weren’t able to reply, when mom found her voice back and said: “ You know, fine feathers doesn’t make fine birds and a  business coat doesn’t make the man.“ She shook her head and off we went leaving the man confused open-mouthed.  I do not mind, because my mom and dad are the very important person, they walk us, they play with us, they feed us with wieners,  and all this without wearing business suites. It is the result that counts. Don’t you agree?

And when christmas eve came,  a huge gift laid under the christmas tree and we unpacked a tasty  bone. MMMH- delicious.

with greeting t oall V.I.Ps and all who think they are,


Hoschi tells stories

I am the pathfinder

Hello me again,
as you already know, I love to stroll through the forest with Jetti. Every time it is a new adventure. She and me are an excellent team. I go in front and peek around and check out every path. And if I’d be able to, I would shield my eyes with my praw and spy with slitted eyes, like one of these scouts you’d often see in old western. When I finished the discover I elegantly hop around on my hind legs and sprint back the path. That’s fun!
One day we went off-road through the forest. Jetti and me followed a fox track over a little hill when all of the sudden that fellow stood in front of us. We freezed, and then this little bastard snapped at us. – Woof, beat it!
We were so sc… surprised, that we really forgot to chase him. Never mind! Next time his number is up and he must be prepared. No mercy, my friend!
I forgot to mention – in fact it sounded more like: squeak! Don’t. Hahahaha, we scared him.

Hoschi tells stories

weird words

german human beings use weird words for food. It struck me right away when mom recently said: „Hoschi, let’s go for you to do your poo and afterwards we buy Berliners and you’ll get your treaty.“ The first part of the sentence is just awkward – stupid babytalk, I gently overheard that. Last part I understand quiet good – treaty – I cocked my head – and suddenly I started. What – I’ll get Berliners as treat??
Jette told me then, tin openers use weird names for food. For instance: Hamburgers, which are ordinary burgers, and are usually not burgers with ham; Frankfurters, which are sausages, Amerikaner, that is a iced cookie.
And finally, Berliners, which is a doughnut and so called in some nothern regions of germany, except in Berlin, where the Berliners call Berliners pancakes, whereas in the rest of germany a pancake is truely a pancake, and Berliners are either called „Schmalzgebaeck“, or „Krebbel“, or „Mutzen“. Got it ? Or did I lost you.
However, one thing is certain, german men do not eat Berliners. And I love them.
Now, I’m going to ask Jette for support sitting in front of the treatbox and whimpering until mom gives us one.

Hoschi tells stories


Hi folks,
spring is coming and since one week the weather is pretty fine. Last weekend we were swimming for the first time this year. That was great fun.
When mom were on vacation she cleaned up the garden and sweeped away all the leaves. Can you imagine, we sacked 20 plastic bags. The neighbour vis-a-vis asked dad if we’d hide acreage in our backyard – hahahaha, I barked.
But the funniest thing at gardening is to take a wheelbarrow ride – the faster the better … look.

Hoschi tells stories

When it rains, it pours

or all bad things come in twos.
Hi readers, fans, admirers, lovers, adorers,
of me. Long time no see.
The last 4 weeks were very turbulent in one way and very uninspiring the other way.
Four weeks ago, Mom, Jette and me drove to the forest. It was one of the last sunny autumn days. The colored leaves of the trees flashes the light in yellow, red and orange. The air was fresh, and it wasn’t cold. Jette and me sat on the front seat together ( for the first time, Jette let me ) and looked out of the windshield. It was late morning and we passed a lot of trippers, who wanted to enjoy one of the last warm days of the year and so do we.
As we arrived, Jette and me jumped off the car and immediately started to stroll around waiting for Mom to be ready.
Mom went to the back of the SUV and lift the bike out of it. Excitedly we barked:“ Hurry up, Mom, Come on, let’s go!“ „Settle down, in a jiffy I am ready. I have to close the car. But before, I must park the bike, somewhere.“ Mom looked around searching for a place to park the bike. “ Ah, the tree, there I lean it against.“ She turned, and suddenly she cried „ouch“ and fell to the ground, to grimace with pain. „Oh, oh, ouch, ouch, ouch“, Mom whined. She held her left ankle. I had heard it to, it was not very loud, but it was clearly a crack. „Shit, shit, shit, ouch ,ouch ouch“, Mom still whined. „It is broken, for sure.“ „Jetti, Jetti.“ I shouted. „What? Is Mom ready, at last? Are we going?“ she shouted back happily. „Come here, hurry. Something happened.“
Jette and me looked helpless and caring. „That’s the end of our walk?“ I asked Jetti. „That’s that! What a pity.“ she answered. „How can we help?“ I looked at her. „Guess there is nothing to do right now.“ Jetti shrugged with her shoulders. „Alrighty, let’s not waste time and spend energy. Catch me, catch me if you can.“ I ran away and asked Jette to follow me. Meanwhile, Mom had stood up and laid face down in the back of the SUV. She wasn’t whining anymore, but I heard her groaning. „Alright, alright, the pain fades, pain go away, pain go away.“ She stood up, hopped to the bike, grabbed it, hopped back to the back of the SUV, smashed the bike into the back and ordered:“ Jetti, Hoschi, come on, hop, we’ll drive back home. Sorry, but that’s it.“ The colored leaves of the trees flashes the light in yellow, red and orange. The air was fresh, and it wasn’t cold. Jette and me sat on the front seat together again and looked out of the windshield. I was really sad.
Few days later, Mom packed her bag and kept away for seven days. When she came home, she hopped between two sticks. First I was afraid of them, but I learned they are walking sticks and called crutches. Dad is really busy. He works a lot, does the buying, helps Mom and walks Jette and me, but just two times a day, but we have a garden and Jette and me can play there, if we want to. But mostly we won’t. Jette preferably likes to stay at Mom’s side. But since last week we started to drive to the forest again, and Mom began to walk again, carefully.
What a blitheness!!
We’ll back soon, we’ll bounce back!
cu later, alligator,

Hoschi tells stories

What a horrible day

Hello ( snivelling),
this is one of my bad days ( sobbing ).
All started well this morning ( snivelling ). I was on patrol as every morning ( I told you before ). And as usual I trailed Dad along the way and met Manja, the black, beautiful poodle damsel and barked at her: Good morning, hottie! You look so sexy today, cara mia.“ She barked back:“Good morning, cutie. What does cara mia mean ?“ – „My darling, sweetheart.“ – „Dream on, Gigolo.“
UUh, that’s huge progress. Slowly but surely she falls for me – hehehe ( grinning ). I went along, round the next corner into the street were I usually do my number two. Well, after that I always feel much better. I couldn’t have stand it any longer.
Moving on, we halted at the next corner to cross the street when something caught my eye. There was a little movement on the ground. Mom and dad didn’t notice me, they were talking about something. Curiously I approached to it – ouch – what was it, something pricked me. I hobbled – ouch-ouch: “ Hey Dad, hey Mom, there is something in my paaaahw ( sobbing ). Pull it ooouuut! Buck uuuuuhhhhhh-uuuuuhhh up (spasmodic sobbing )!!!“ Dad was first, he held my paw, mom kneeled down and searched for a sting – she couldn’t find it – there was none. I sat down, held up high the paw and cried at the non visible moon:“UUUhhhh uuuuhh, woooooof wooooof uuuhhh ( weeeping, howling).“
Everyone should hear my pain!
Dad looked frightened:“Hurry up,take the car, we’ll drive to the vet!“ Mom looked at him:“Are you serious? Nothing to see. Hoschi overacts.“ – „No, no, I never heard him weeping this way before. Go, and take the car.“ Right, go, take the car,mom. As if I would ever oooouuuhhhhveraaaaaauuuuuhhh..ct ( sobbing and weeping). Dad hauled me up on his shoulder and mom ran off to take the car. In different directions and Jetti was confused.
Dad carried me home ( gasping )- I did not know why. Mom was already off to take the car. However, I appreciate his sympathy for my suffer. Really.
The vet said, I stepped on a bee and this bastard stabbed me, before it died. Fairly enough ( sobbing )! The vet then stabbed me with a cortison injection – not fair( weeping ).
Jette was happy that she wasn’t stabbed this time.
At home again, I gladly sank in the cuddly pillows on the couch( snivelling ).
bye-bye, see you soon,
sincerly yours,